He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
