Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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