woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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