Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
