It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
