There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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