Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
