dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
