Welp...herpes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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