Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
