On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have aggressive nipples.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
