You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dicks are not precious.
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