so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
