Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you had me at cake vodka
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
