I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
