party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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