Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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