Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
