Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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