'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
