Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize