When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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