True but thats because hes a fetus.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
