But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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