She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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