Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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