3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
