Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i've created a new STD.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
