I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize