So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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