the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
