I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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