Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just gargled with NyQuil
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
