if i can run in heels then i can drive
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
