no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
