Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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