??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
