well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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