I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
