Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
