He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize