Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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