So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
