I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
