I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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