dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
