Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
