Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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