I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
