Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
