how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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