YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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