I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize