I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
