Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
