haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
