just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
