I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
