You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
