Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
