saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
