So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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