found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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