we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
