I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
