Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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